This summer has been bittersweet.
I know it’s no secret that I didn’t really want to come to Camp when I got here. I didn’t want to leave and I wanted to be here even less by the time I got here. I thought I had a relationship that was starting to take off before I left, and it didn’t pan out, largely due to a summer apart, so he says. I was thoroughly disappointed, and it sure didn’t help not wanting to be here.
But there’s a sweet part, too. There’s been a sweet part to every bitter moment through my entire summer. The sweet part here is that while I didn’t want to be here…. at all…. when I got here, I made and solidified some awesome friendships, I fell in love with a God I’ve never experienced like this before, and you know what… I didn’t waste my time on a guy who clearly wasn’t interested anyway.
Bitter moments give you a choice. You can choose to react poorly, lacking grace, not demonstrating Christ in you… or you can choose the opposite. I know for me, my instincts tell me to pitch a fit. My instincts told me to pitch a fit yesterday when I found out that I can’t get into my classroom until at the very least the beginning of October, and… knowing how the school board works when it’s something that doesn’t directly concern them, I imagine it’ll be later than that. Getting my own classroom was a huge reason that I didn’t actively pursue another position for this year. Well… I chose, rather than being grumpy, while I did have a disappointed moment…. I chose to show grace and be flexible. I chose to tell my VP that no, it’s not a problem for the displaced Kinder class whose portable isn’t built yet to use my classroom until it’s ready… I’m able to roam from room to room, they’re not. Problem solved. Bittersweet. Added bonus, I also now don’t have to feel guilty that I’d rather be at home unpacking and organizing my new house than at school after work decorating my classroom. As I finish one, I’ll be able to start the other.
I bought an iPad. I returned it. I returned it because it didn’t feel right. But it wasn’t…. I now don’t have a room to use it in, and I should be getting a laptop from the school board by December or January… so if I don’t need it until at least into October, I can manage without for a couple of months. Listening to that voice in my head telling me to return that iPad was the best decision I’ve made ALL summer, I would say… well, other than the decision to love God and follow with all my heart. Trust in His perfect timing, you know… all that. But I’d say that it’s the best decision I made that involved something material. Here’s the funny thing about His perfect timing. I bought the iPad two weeks ago Wednesday. You have a 14 day return window from Staples when you buy electronics from them. I returned it on Saturday, after deciding on Thursday night that I just couldn’t keep it, and putting it back in the box as you learned in my post about conviction. I talked to my VP yesterday to find that I couldn’t get into my classroom immediately…. 15 days after I purchased the iPad. How upset would I have been if I’d spent all that money to discover 24 hours beyond the refund window that I couldn’t undo my decision. The sweet to this bitter is being able to recognize the benefits of listening to and obeying God.
Bitter…. having to leave Camp. Funny, how this story starts with how I was bitter about getting here, and coming in the first place. But the sweet side of life is that I’m going home to my very own home. I move in in exactly one week, and I’m so stoked for that.
156. Changing leaves; pretty colours.
157. Family dinner.
158. The way our brains work — we can learn new things (in this case, new board games with complex strategy), at any age, and still apply those skills.
159. Extremely productive days yielding completed Long Range Plans and a bunch of posters for my classroom.
160. How our bodies give us signals when something isn’t right… This is a stretch, but I’m trying to be thankful for motion sickness here. I went out for dinner with my family on Wednesday evening and on the way back with a very full stomach, I felt very ill. I appreciate the way our bodies give us warning signals to let us know that something is not right, and that’s a pretty good example of that.
161. When God reveals His plans and the reasons for them so that I can understand decisions like why I had to return the iPad.
162. A vice-principal who graciously took my opinions and desires into account before changing my schedule and rearranging my room. What an awesome woman to work for 🙂
163. That I don’t have to find time to set up a classroom while settling into the house — a gift of less busyness.
164. That I wasn’t able to get into my classroom in early August when I tried, or it’d probably be set up by now and I’d have to clean it all up.
165. When you look, you can trace the outline of God’s hands through all of life’s circumstances.
166. Late night giggles over Pinterest quotes — some deliciously deep, others satisfyingly silly.
167. The one-track mind of a dog. In this case, they all want brownies. (taken on my Motorola Charm)
168. One last dip in the lake before I go home.
169. My stomach can growl angrily because it’s 1 am and I’m hungry, but I can turn out the light without wondering whether or not I’ll eat breakfast in the morning.