For teachers and students alike, September marks the beginning of something new. It marks the beginning of a brand new school year. Any teachers out there can likely agree with me when I say the year starts in September. I think in terms of school years, not calendar years like most people. For me, 2012-2013 is a perfectly acceptable way to measure “a year.”
September holds so much. I’ve started dreaming about school. In fact I’ve been dreaming about it for the past week and a half. And I rarely sleep well (if at all) the night before… so I’m not really looking forward to tomorrow night. The thing is, I’m not excited about this school year. Many of you know I’ve had many other things on my plate this summer… I had a very spiritually engaging and fabulous summer at Camp, I bought a house… that I moved into yesterday and which will likely be unpacked in its entirety by tomorrow afternoon…. but all of those things mean that I’m truly not ready for this entity called “September.”
But today, even though I’m not ready to say goodbye to summer, and I’m not ready for “September,” I want to take an instant and thank God for something very important. I have a job. It’s stable for now. That’s the way I like things. I won’t get into Ontario school politics, that’s not what I intend to do, but I can just say that the last week has left me clawing for a silver lining, and what I can come up with is “I have a full time permanent job, it’s good, and I get to impact the lives of so many kids.”
September is typically a month of change and new beginnings. For me, there are a few that should have happened, but they didn’t. Timing must not have been right. But there’s one that is happening… that I’ve felt strongly about for a while… over a month now. It’s been something I haven’t wanted to put out in my blog because I knew there were people who read this that hadn’t heard this news yet, but now that I’m confident that I won’t be causing shock, I will explain. I’ve been feeling very pulled lately toward a new church. One that I’ve supported in spirit for years, and went to a couple years ago for a couple months in another town, but it was too far away in a brutally snowy winter, and I kept not being able to go anyway. But there’s one coming to my town now, and I’ve felt really pulled to go help with that plant…
But that being said, I don’t know if it’s just a feeling, or if it’s actually what God wants from me. I had an emotional Sunday morning yesterday, there were even some tears! And those who know me know that those aren’t easy to elicit. It was saying goodbye to people I’ve grown to love very much, even though I know I’m not saying goodbye forever, and I know there’s nothing that says I can’t visit, it was still hard.
It was a lot harder than I’d anticipated. I almost retracted my decision to go help with the plant yesterday morning during the service. All these things are going through my head: “They’re in transition, they don’t need everyone and their mother to pack up and leave right now.”
SO here’s my question… my big, booming, 1:30 am “I should be sleeping but I pushed upload on a video to Facebook at 1:10… that was dumb….” question. (I started writing this last night… I saved it, I’ve edited a few things… I don’t write very well when I’m literally falling asleep 😉 …. someone tell me how I made it through University alive, please?)
How do you know if what you’re thinking/feeling/whatever is actually from God? How do I know that the new church truly is what God wants from me? I prayed about it, I asked for peace in the situation that if that’s what He wanted me to, and He truly wanted me to pick up and leave, He’d calm my fears about a new church and new people and having to get to know people all over again. He’d give me peace. I received that peace, and I assumed that meant I was making the right decision, it was the right thing to do, and as I know obedience is worship, I figured if I said no I won’t go help with a church plant because I’m comfortable where I am, I’d regret that decision and probably suffer Jonah-style for a bit…. but now I feel weird. I don’t know if the ‘weird’ is guilt, because I feel like I am leaving good friends, even though I know I’ll still see all of them…. or if it’s some other force trying to convince me I need to stay, knowing that I’ll be more effective elsewhere and knowing that keeping me where I am would hinder something bigger… Or, I don’t know if maybe it is that still small voice telling me that I’m making the wrong decision and I need to stay put. I don’t know.
I think for now, my plan of attack is to float between both, prayerfully, and make my decision the informed way, not based on feelings, but based on prayer and doing the right thing. So if those of you reading this could pray for me, that I’ll make the right decision for myself and for everyone involved, I’d sincerely appreciate that.
Onto things I am truly thankful for from the past….. however long it’s been since I wrote my last post.
187. Unexpected visits.
188. Kitchen mishaps turning epic. (I was in the Camp Kitchen, whipping some peanut butter so we could try to pipe it… added some edible oil product (non-dairy whipped cream) to try to lighten it up… that didn’t work, it was just a big oily glob. Added some icing sugar to try to stick it back together, then it just got really chewy… it turned into what the middle of a WunderBar tastes like. It was amazing.)
189. Brita Pitchers! I can drink city water! NO MORE BOTTLES!
190. Organization. (taken on my Motorola Charm)
191. Water sweeteners that make it possible to drink the city water.
192. I have a job.
193. A good salad.
194. Lovely ladies who I am so blessed to call sisters in Christ and friends.
195. Friends who text to say “do you need help unpacking?” Even if all we ended up doing was eating froz yoz and catching up 😉
196. Thoughtfulness – a meal put in my fridge
197. Helping hands.
198. Treasured little chats after church.
199. Doing things the right way, not hurting feelings in my path.
200. Fall Fairs!
201. Great cameras
202. Running into Camp peeps at the Fair.
203. Bonding with my amazing friend.
204. Inspiration to pick that violin back up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-uNlUStuA8 Here… Here’s somebody else’s capture of The Devil Went Down to Georgia… so much musical talent…. and he makes it look easy! Ridiculous.
205. $12.00 concerts!
206. Fair food.
207. Fantastic jewellery finds at little fair vendors.
208. The silly faces my pooch makes.
All photos were taken by me.