I went to a wedding this weekend. It was beautiful, it was lovely, it was awesome! It was my brother’s wedding, and I was thrilled to be a part of it. It was my little brother’s wedding.
He’s not that little, I mean, he’s 27. I am 29 and my wedding hasn’t happened, and I’m totally ok with that, because I haven’t found someone I want to walk down the aisle with, and I refuse to settle.
The thing is, a couple times during the evening, I was told the following things:
“You’ll never get a boyfriend if you keep doing that [taking ridiculous selfies].”
“I hope you can find someone to be happy with.”
“Your time will come.”
The ‘your time will come’ didn’t bug me quite as much because it wasn’t quite so condescending, despite the fact that I don’t think any of them were meant to be condescending. In fact, I suspect the last two were meant to be encouraging, but… anyway.
The first one made me jump to my own defense. See, normally I’ll take those comments and accept them, assuming that perhaps the person is right and I am doing something that’s keeping me single. After reading a blog post though about food shaming and a lady who stood up for herself, I decided I’d do the same. The conversation went down like this:
Me: (sitting taking ridiculous selfies of myself at the dinner table)
Someone: You’ll never get a boyfriend if you keep doing that.
Me: No. I don’t think that’s true. There’s someone out there who will love me for all that I am, stupid selfies and all…. and if there isn’t, well, then I’ll be happy being single because I don’t want to change just to get a guy to like me.
I felt pretty proud of myself, because normally I internalize that stuff, but while I do believe the person who said it was just telling me something they thought would be helpful information, I don’t believe it to be true for a second. I’ll find someone someday with a silly side who loves that I take stupid selfies. It’d be awesome if he’d even lean in for a couple every once in a while. I’ve been taking selfies since before selfies were cool… legit… I’d turn my disposable cameras around backwards and then be mad when I’d develop the film and half of the pictures were of half of my face cut off because it’s hard to angle them when you can’t see a screen. Technology has made them a lot easier! I’ll post some of mine from my bro’s wedding for you to see… haha I figured I wasn’t gonna look that dolled up again until my own wedding day. Some people say they’re attention seeking. Some say they’re narcissistic. I think they’re just plain fun, and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.
To “I hope you find someone to be happy with” I responded that I’m already happy, and that a man can make me miserable if he’s not a good choice, so I’m not just going to settle for someone for the sake of being with someone.
Lastly, to “your time will come” I simply said “thank you.” This person was pretty much a stranger, and didn’t really know me, so had no way of knowing that I don’t resent my lil bro for getting married before me. Also, can I tell you how much I LOVE my sis-in-law? My brother’s got fantastic taste.
With my new-found self-confidence that evening, I got out on the dance floor and danced like no one was looking, even though people were watching. This is not like me, I promise. I had grandparents watching, and sometimes they were laughing… because, well, I was doing the lawnmower and the shopping cart… I deserved to be laughed at haha. But you know what? I had fun. I dragged my grandmother out on the dance floor, and I taught her how to slow dance. That was so much fun, and it’s a memory I’ll cherish forever. My grandma had never danced before, and she even came out on the dance floor during a fast song and started shuffling and moving her arms to the beat… determining that “I think it’s just about having fun!” and she’s right. So it doesn’t matter who’s watching. It doesn’t matter if anyone thinks you don’t look amazing. It doesn’t matter if all you know how to do is shuffle to the beat or jump up and down (hello high school lol). My step-Dad taught me how to polka, and it was fun! and I don’t care if I didn’t look good doing it. My Grandma was right, it’s just about having fun.
Anyway, selfie time! Here they are! Allow me to state that as someone who enjoys taking pictures very much, the ability to play with the light from behind me, whether it be from the sun-reflected lake or bouncing off the glorious fall leaves… it’s fun. I suspect the admonition that stupid selfies won’t get me a boyfriend probably comes more from the 2 silly ones (which, by the way, I didn’t post on Facebook and am only putting here to make a point), but anyway…. here they are.